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"The love in the land"
Dedicated to My husband Ron
Submitted by Alexandra
"The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart" - Helen Keller
I dedicate this story to the love of my life, my husband Ron
"The love in the land"
As I stared blankly into the empty space that would be a future nursery, I knew I was suffering from the early stages of full blown depression. My husband and I had been trying to conceive for over four years and I was beginning to think fate had other plans for our lives. I hated fate. I hated my body. I hated life. And worst of all I was beginning to subconsciously resent and hate my own husband.
My husband came home that day and found me on the floor with my head in my hands. He asked me what was wrong. "I have no idea what I am to live for." I said. "I do not know what it is that I have to look forward to." "Why should I continue living?" I asked hatefully. I'm not sure how he knew, but somehow he understood I needed to get away. He had two tickets to Honolulu the following week.
As we touched down, I could see nothing. We had arrived around 9:30 and the sun had set. Jet lag and fatigue had already set in and I was desperately irritable. We were taxi'd to our Hotel and we rode the elevator up to our suite. My husband waited in vain for a reaction from me when we entered our room. I stared at our bed and noticed it was covered in hibiscus flowers. I rolled my eyes. I wanted so badly to be happy, to feel what I should have been feeling at that moment, but I could not. The incessant pull of my depression was much too strong. I turned to my husband and was only able to half smile and remark on how lovely the lighting was. I felt horrible. And my husband, though dismayed over my lack of enthusiasm remained hopeful. He started a bath for me. By midnight I was asleep.
The next morning I was awoken by glints of sunlight peeking through the curtains, (which were by the way also covered in hibiscus flowers) I felt my husband breathing slowly next to me and was relieved to know he was getting some well earned rest. I tried to close my eyes and drift back to sleep, but something about the light from the window called to me. It was as though the sun wanted me to see what it had uncovered. I drew the curtains and was immediately blinded by the brightness. As my eyes adjusted I scanned my new surroundings. I was, in no small way astounded, absolutely astounded! I walked out onto the balcony with a childish eagerness I had not felt in a long time. I panned the landscape, and again was filled with an emotion I cannot describe. I have known beauty in my life, but never have my senses been so instantly aroused. My eyes beheld what I could only imagine true paradise to be. I smelled a sweetness in the air that could only come from nature. Saltwater, flowers, earth, simple unadulterated nature. I listened to the ancient roll of the waves and was at once gratified with a calm I had only felt as a child. Seconds later I felt my husbands arms wrap around me from behind, and for the first time in weeks I didn't feel the urge to pull away. "It's gorgeous isn't it?" he asked. I couldn't speak. So I just nodded. He kissed the top of my head and suggested we call down for breakfast. I couldn't stay inside another minute so we made plans to grab something quick at the café downstairs and begin our adventure. As we walked through the lobby I noticed a large fountain with a small boulder in the center. It had an inscription: "The life of the land is perpetuated in righteousness" I smiled, and felt a deep respect for this foreign, yet enchanting place I was about to submit to.
My husband and I did the things most people do when they come to Honolulu. We frolicked like children in the gloriously warm sea. We ate at a fabulous 5 star restaurant. (But to my surprise I found myself partial to the pork cooked simply over bon fire) We danced at an uproariously fun luau held just sea side outside our Hotel. All the while forgetting the pain I held deep within. Instead I focused on the eyes of my husband, sitting at our table as he watched me attempting to dance the hula. As I swayed, his eyes followed. And I could almost see what appeared to be a glint of lust in his eyes. I laughed with joy as the crowd cheered for me and the three other women on stage. That was the third night of our stay there on the island, and that night back at our room I found myself enveloped in the deep throes of passion with my husband. He was once again the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. And the man I desperately wanted to have a family with. I loved this husband of mine. He could save me, whenever I needed to be saved. He brought me here, to this magical and inspiring place. He showed me beauty. And he reminded me that there was life worth living beyond the things we cannot have. Hawaii had been my inspiration to live with joy and peace in my heart. But my husband was the answer to the question of why I should continue living at all. It is love. Love of the land, love of life, and the love of someone you simply cannot live without. The End
Later that month I fell ill, I saw my Doctor, and was relieved to learn that I was not carrying the flu, as I had suspected. But I was carrying my wish, my dream, my baby! So you see? Hawaii -with the help of my husband- had given me more than I could have ever hoped for. She was born nine months later, we named her Leilani. Which in Hawaiian means "Heavenly Flower". She is now three and my husband and I would love to go back. And maybe, just maybe come back with a brother or sister for her!!