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Love Stories of Hawaii

Second Chance Love

Quest For Happiness
Dedicated to My Son

Submitted by Erika

In a quest for true love, we overturn many stones. What we find underneath them is never certain that it will be pleasant, but it will shape the person you are and it will make clear the person you seek. In my life I've turned many stones that led me to places I did not like. The person I would find could never be compared to the person that I searched for. So I continued my journey with a blindfold over my eyes. I could never be certain if I was ever going to find this person that in my mind I had created, but I embarked on the journey that could last a life time. By my early twenties I found what I believed then to be, my match. I had not been looking and he appeared before me. He was filled with this passion for life and this thirst for knowledge, that he absorbed every part of me. I was drawn to him and I never left his side. A simple courtship led to an engagement. I must say, that the engagement was a bit rushed. We wanted to spend so much time together, that the thought of someone separating us was crucial to our hearts. So, he proposed, and I accepted. The proposal was not what I had dreamed of all my life, but it was a proposal I said yes to. Close to a year later we were married, and it seemed to be the beginning to a great future. Two years after our marriage our son was born. He brought all the happiness into my life, and all the fears into my husband. He began retreating himself from us. He worked harder, and was never home. I began to have dreams of him being unfaithful; dreams that one day would be my reality. He accepted a job offer in Hawaii, and my son and I were soon to follow. But things don't always go as you plan. Excuses were all I heard for months and my heart I felt die slowly. His absence just ate away my insides. I was lonely and I was scared. I felt his love fade for me, and I felt myself allowing it to happen. A phone call one night changed my life forever. I had been dreaming of him being unfaithful more and more. And something deep inside me kept telling me to ask the question I for so long had been answering in my dreams. So on a cold Sunday night in December, I asked him. I asked him if he was with someone else, and he answered yes. Anger just filled my veins and blackness shadowed my heart. I could not believe that this is what my life had come down to. I cried for hours and then I stopped. I looked at my son and thought to myself, I can't breakdown now. I need to be strong and stand up tall and move on. Was this easy? No, it was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life. A wall that once stood tall and protected me from the outside world had been destroyed. How does one face the world with a wounded heart? How does one move on after being betrayed? It took many months and many struggles to make it to a point in my life where I could begin to feel again. I had been numb to all feelings, especially to love. I met this guy one night during happy hour with a co worker. I remember clearly walking in, and out of all the people in the room that night, my eyes were drawn to him. There was something about him, that from the moment I sat down, I felt myself wanting to get to know him. That night was no longer a night for just drinking and having fun. It was a night of getting to know this person that my heart had latched on too after a second of meeting. So we talked and flirted that night, and a good night kiss sealed the night. A phone call came the next day and a date followed. Now a year and a half later we are still together and very much in love. Great you may say, but the fear of being betrayed lies on top of this love. It fills my mind day after day and it shadows my sunny days. I try so hard to not think of it, but it's hard to trust again. Trust! I can't trust anyone anymore. It's the feeling of being betrayed by the one I love. Even though deep inside me I know he loves me and he could never do such a thing, I am reminded of the days that I would think the same of my ex husband. So if a man I chose to marry and I trusted with my life, stabbed me in the back. Who's to say that it can't happen again? I know this is an unhealthy way of living and it puts a damper on any relationship, but I don't know how else to live with out my guards up at all times.

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