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Silver sands of time
Dedicated to My Soulmate
Submitted by Anonymous
I have waited twenty-five years. So has he. He has proposed every year and waited to hear my answer. There has been no answer, only a heavy silence weighing down my heart and mind and everything except my conscience. For I was committed to the man was married to. And committed to the children I bore him, whom he loved, and I loved more than we loved ourselves. He loved me. And I? I loved the man I was not married to.
Who is he then? The man I was not married to but who is a part of my soul. Twenty five years of not seeing him should have dulled my memory of him but surprisingly his face is etched even stronger in my mind. His love has filled my heart so much that I feel fulfilled. He is there with eyes twinkling, laughing to fill the silences in my life. He is there with me, holding my hand, supporting me. And he promised he will always be there for me. This faith has carried me over the years. He has been the gentle, unobtrusive presence beside me for twenty five years.
I have lived two lives. I have walked the edge of the knife. And it has all but cut me up. I wonder how he has taken it all. Having asked a question year after year on his birthday and having never got an answer. I wonder if his eyes still twinkle like a thousand stars. Does he still look strangely handsome, enigmatic and quizzical? Does he still possess that smile which sends female hearts fluttering?
I look at myself in the mirror. How has age treated me? Not kindly but not harshly either. The heart has been torn into a mesh over time, but there is no evidence of that. My eyes have dreamed a million dreams, all of him, but how would anyone know. I have cried into a hundred pillows but pillows do not talk.
This year he is going on an official conference to Hawaii. I know because he told me so. My mind is made up but he does not know. I stand today alone, my responsibilities over. I will go to Hawaii too. I pack my favourite ash colour dress into the bag. It looks more green than ash today. Not that it matters. When we are standing under the stars entwined in each other's arms our souls will touch.
In Hawaii I shall give him his birthday present.