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Gone But Not Forgotten
Dedicated to Kene
Submitted by Shari
I have discovered that sometime a love lost can be a good thing and that it is possible to heal. Yet, some love is never obtainable again, forever lost but never forgotten.
I grew up outside of Hilo, Hawaii with my grandparents and my big brother, three years my senior. More often that not, the age of our grandparents left us to our own devices. My brother being older took charge, as I followed without question. We went on great adventures into the hills and forest. We believed that we had discovered places that no one had ever seen. Adventure after adventure, year after year I followed his lead. So, when my grandparents sent him out to school I was crushed and heartbroken. I walked with him to the end of the road and stayed there for hours waiting for him to come back. Many times my uncle would come and lead me back to the house where I sat at a window waiting.
Then it was my turn to follow my brother. He took me everywhere, criticized by his friends and potential dates, he defended my as a tagalong and was always proud of me.
When I graduated from high school he took my hand and said, "Babsis, I have been saving since I went to work. This is for you for college. The only condition is that you obtain a master's degree or higher then return the favor and allow me to go to college." My eyes flooded with tears and I was overwhelmed with emotion. I was very angry with him for turning away great athletic scholarship for me, yet overflowed with how much he loved me without thought to himself. I did as he wished and went to college. I obtained a master's as he had requested as well as a few more pieces of paper along the way.
After my graduation he took his first vacation. Crazed with happiness and excitement I helped him pack and drove him to the airport. With tear-filled eyes and a huge smile I waived good-bye. Six days later hoping to hear from him I rushed home to find our drive way filled with cars, cop cars, family and friends cars. At first I wasn't sure of what was going on. The closer I came to the house the more my heart was seized by fear. I entered the door shaking and tearful. My uncle came to me holding back tears and tried to explain that there had been an accident. My heart fell, as I never heard another until I claimed his body. I left the island and have not been back, I felt regret and shame of causing his death.
Now married and with an eight year old daughter I want to return so that she may feel the love of her uncle. I have never forgotten his love and sacrifices he made for me. My love for him and his love for me has not been forgotten.